Choosing your Support

As with all things that truly matter, time is essential. There’s a quiet grace in allowing someone permission to enter your world — and therapy is just that: a shared journey through your own landscape. So before you start, take a little time to get to know your counsellor.

Different counsellors bring different gifts. Some are practical, some spiritual; some listen with silence, others with stories.

It helps to be open about your situation — it’s not about exposing yourself, but about giving both of you a fair chance to see if this is a good fit. As the old Irish saying goes, “You’ll never plough a field by turning it over in your mind.”

At some point, you start — but starting wisely saves heartache.

Do Your Values Align?

Therapy works best when your values hum in the same key. Two people pulling in opposite directions don’t move far; two in rhythm can move mountains.

Ask yourself: does your counsellor’s way of seeing the world speak to something true in you? This isn’t about finding your mirror — it’s about finding someone whose way of being helps you grow into your own. A good fit in therapy doesn’t mean perfect agreement, but a shared respect for each other’s truths.

Basic values — spiritual, moral, even political — can quietly shape how both of you make sense of suffering, change, and hope. These things matter more than people think.

When your counsellor’s worldview aligns, even loosely, with your own, the work deepens; when it clashes at the core, progress can stumble.

Do You Feel at Ease With Your Therapist?

It’s all about the vibe, isn’t it? Some people we just click with, others we don’t — no one’s fault, just one of the small cosmic jokes of human chemistry.
Research in psychotherapy consistently shows that the therapeutic alliance — the bond and sense of trust between client and therapist — is the single strongest predictor of positive outcome.

If, at the first meeting, you feel uneasy, repelled, or unseen, it’s all right to take that seriously. Jung used to remind his students that,

“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.”

If the chemistry isn’t there, it’s okay to look someplace else.

Do You Speak the Same Language — Literally and Figuratively?

Language is more than words. It’s tone, rhythm, the quiet pauses between thoughts. You’ll want a therapist who can catch your meaning — not just the literal one, but the flickers behind it, the irony, the hurt hidden in humour.

If you speak in metaphors or cultural shorthand, it’s lovely when your therapist can meet you there. Shared understanding helps, especially in places like Malaysia where English, Malay, Mandarin, Tamil, and a dozen dialects each carry their own music. Misunderstood words can misplace feelings.

As Wittgenstein said,

“The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.”

Choose someone who widens, not narrows, your world.

Are You Ready to Be Helped?

Therapy isn’t cheap — in effort, in honesty, or in cost. So before you begin, ask gently: Am I ready to do the work?
That doesn’t mean you must be strong. Readiness is simply the willingness to show up, even when you’re unsure.

Viktor Frankl, survivor and psychiatrist, wrote,

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

Therapy works best when you’re willing to look inward and face the real thing — not the rehearsed stories we tell the world, but the quieter truths behind them.

Cynicism, disorganization, avoidance — they’re all part of the human condition, but they can slow your healing. The therapist can guide, but you must take the steps. As in Irish lore, “You’ll never know the strength of the tide until you wade into the water.”

Assessing Your Needs

Before reaching out for help, spend a quiet moment taking stock of what’s troubling you. Are you struggling with anxiety, despair, burnout, loneliness? Have you endured trauma that keeps resurfacing?
If so, that might guide you toward the right kind of help.

A psychiatrist can support with medical and biological interventions (for instance, if symptoms are severe or long-standing, ie: a schizophrenic wont benefit from talk therapy alone, medication is important here).

A psychologist or counsellor focuses more on talk therapy, which helps you managing that day to day voices in your head, those obsessions, those itch in your head or somewhere unknown or unreachable in yourself, a tangible support which you could see and feel, who’s existence is to be a mirror, a gentle, kinder voice beside you, a place for secrets, shame, and doubts, to look out for your blind spots………..

There’s a hierarchy of importance — though both paths serve different parts of the same whole. Research shows that many people benefit from a combination of therapy and medication, so, carefully examine yourself, and then decide your cup of tea.

Listen to your body. Watch your mind. Healing isn’t about riddance; it’s about relationship — with yourself, with others, and with life as it unfolds.

So, choose what feels sustainable in the long run. Enjoy the journey, yes — but remember that in mental health, the end doesn’t justify the means; the means are the making of you.

GLHF ♥

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Key Things to Remember:

A therapist isn’t a friend — though spirit of friendship is ever so inevitable. The goal is growth, not comfort.
Therapy is a relationship of transcendence: two people co-creating meaning.
Look for qualifications, yes — but also heart, humility, and humour.
Know what you want from therapy. A vague yearning for “something better” is a good enough start, but shape it as you go.
Compatibility matters — shared language, mutual respect, emotional resonance.
Understand the therapist’s approach — psychodynamic, CBT, existential, person-centred, integrative — and see if it aligns with your temperament.
Most of all, begin. Action invites motivation. I repeat, action invites motivation. Not the other way round. Waiting for perfect readiness is a kind of avoidance in disguise.

So take the leap — gently, curiously, and hold on to the littlest spark of hope. You don’t have to believe that therapy will change you. You only need to be curious enough to see what happens if you let it.