Understanding Child Psychology: A Guide for Parents

Children rarely say “I am anxious.” They say their tummy hurts. They refuse school. They melt down over the wrong-coloured cup. As a school counsellor and special needs educator, I have sat with hundreds of children — and almost every “behaviour problem” I have met was a feeling that had not yet found words.

Behaviour is communication

Before the age of about seven especially, children borrow their calm from us — your steadiness is their regulation. When a child acts out, the most useful question is rarely “how do I stop this behaviour?” but “what is this behaviour trying to tell me?” Tiredness? Worry about school? Tension at home they cannot name? Big changes — a new sibling, a move, a divorce, a death — often surface as misbehaviour weeks later.

What to watch for

• Changes from your child’s own normal: sleep, appetite, play, friendships
• School refusal, frequent unexplained aches, or a drop in schoolwork
• Big regressions — bedwetting, clinginess, baby talk — under stress
• Withdrawal in teens: the door always closed, friends dropped, spark gone

Any of these occasionally is ordinary childhood. It is the pattern and persistence that deserve attention.

How counselling works with children

Children do not sit and analyse their feelings — they play them, draw them, and story-tell them. Sessions with younger children look like structured play, because play is a child’s first language. With teenagers it looks more like conversation, on their terms, with their confidentiality respected. Parents are always part of the picture: you know your child best, and simple changes at home often do more than anything that happens in my room.

If something about your child is worrying you, trust that instinct. Message me on WhatsApp — child and adolescent sessions are RM99, and we always begin with a conversation with you as parents.

Ms. Claudee is a registered counsellor in Malaysia. She holds a Masters in Counselling and is completing a PhD in Guidance & Counselling at Universiti Putra Malaysia. She offers in-person sessions in Kuala Lumpur and online counselling across Malaysia.